just fyi

just a little background info

this is before a lot of you knew me but I wrote this to Lady Gaga in the tail end of 2010

she means

 so much to me

Oh Gaga. Lady Gaga. 

I hope you know that I didn’t want to like you.

Nope. After Just Dance and Poker Face I thought you were just some stupid celebrity who wore dumb, flashy things to get noticed. We have plenty of those around. I probably would have continued to think that way, if Jensen hadn’t insisted on showing me Bad Romance.

Bad Romance? The first time I finished that video Jensen turned to me and was like, “omg isn’t that awesome?” and I swear I was gasping for air. You have no clue how impressed I was with that video. Every part of it was perfect and laden with meaning. You have no idea; it did mean something to be, everything did, the concept of the monsters and being sold and when they pulled you out of that coat and made you dance and when they forced you to drink from the cup and when you were sold. And when you stepped into that bedroom and that sleaze was looking at you. And when you showed that you weren’t going to let anyone buy you. The look on your face when the flames were behind you. Defiant. Beautiful. Brilliant. I wanted to cry, but of course I didn’t in front of Jensen. We watched it again and then watched some other videos. I went home and I watched the video a thousand more times. Lady Gaga, thank you for making that video. You have no clue what it meant to me, or how it inspired me.

No other musical artist has ever been quoted saying the things you’ve said. You’ve completely broken boundaries, whether political or personal or in the entertainment industries. Some may say that you’re so popular because all of us, your fans, are mindless sheep. But that’s not true. The people who say that can’t see our individual passion for you. Our individual celebration of your individuality. Because if you come up here and can wear the things you wear and say the things you say and make the videos you make, hell, why can’t I be what I want to be? Why do I have to listen to what other people tell me? You’ve shown me, if nothing else, that I need to be myself because that is how I am strongest.

Lady Gaga, some people may read this letter and think I’m insincere or a hopeless fan or crazy. But like I said, I didn’t want to like you. But you proved yourself to me. And even though I don’t know you, your story and your attitude and the things you have done inspire me.

Lady Gaga, I doubt I’ll ever see you live or meet you in person. But just thinking about it right now makes me want to cry. To meet you. What an honor that would be. The one person in the entire world, the one person who has the balls to say, “Hey, be whoever the hell you want” and not only that, but you can back it up. Lady Gaga, you can say I found what I wanted to do and I did it. I found who I wanted to be and I chose to be her. I didn’t care about what anyone else said. I took risks. I took chances. I didn’t always take the safe route.

And I don’t know if that always feels worth it to you, but I want you to know that you make a difference to me. To me personally, a sophomore in high school from a middle class family in Southern California. There has never been anyone famous I look up to more than you. Never. I want you to know that it should be worth it, what you’ve done, because you’ve made a difference here. I’m just one person, but then again so are you and you have shown me what one person can be. 

Thank you. Keep it up, and don’t tone it down because people tell you to. Be whatever you want to me. In the meantime, I’ll be taking on the same challenge. I will be who I want to be. I will not listen to those who try to tell me I’m not good or talented or beautiful. I will not even listen to myself when I tell myself that I’m not good or talented or beautiful. Maybe sometimes I’ll believe I’m more than I am, just to get myself through the day. But that’s all right. Because I will never be sold. I will never be owned by anyone but myself. I’ll believe in myself as much as I can.